I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
