just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
