1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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