just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
