Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
