You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
