4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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