exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize