I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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