i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm both gender and math confused
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
