my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
