So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
