If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm at about main and main street
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
