I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
