Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
