hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I understand Curling. That high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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