id be glad to
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
