It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
