I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
