too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
