Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize