State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
