Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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