ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
