I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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