man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
