I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
