i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
