Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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