Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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