i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
