im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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