can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
