I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
