i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
