So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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