You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
