my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
