he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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