Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's paint friendship bongs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
