Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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