even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
