Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
