Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
