pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
