so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
