Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
