Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
