Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
