I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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