he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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