Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
