yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
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Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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