dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
