You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
