some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
