she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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