Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
