Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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