They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
