i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
