That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
