we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
